Dallas Dominatrix Mistress Petra Hunter

© 2011-2020 Mistress Petra Hunter

BDSM Novice? What You Should Know Before Booking Me

I see a lot of first-time submissives, and I frequently receive emails from newbies who, understandably, have a lot of questions. Many of them can be answered by exploring my website, but a number of questions point to a common theme: anxiety about taking that leap and booking a Dominatrix for the first time. If this resonates with you, know that you're not alone. Maybe you're brand spankin' (heh) new to BDSM and the world of female domination or maybe you've been fantasizing about submission for years. Every Mistress is different, of course, but if you're new to BDSM and you'd like to book your first session with me, here are some things you should know:

We won't jump right in.

When you first arrive at my dungeon, I'm not going to greet you at the door and immediately command you to get on your knees and kiss my boots. Instead, I'll do what I can to ease your nerves and make you feel a bit more comfortable: I'll greet you with a smile, offer you some water or a light snack, and make a bit of small talk about your commute, the weather, or something similar. Then, we'll jump into negotiations, an important part of the session where we lay out the ground rules for our time together. Among other things, we'll discuss your interests and limits, any medical conditions you may have, the safe words I expect you to use should you need them, and questions you may have for me. After that, I'll give you a few minutes alone to prepare before our scene starts: you can use the bathroom, take a few deep breaths, check your phone one final time, etc. When you're ready, we'll begin.

Be prepared to talk explicitly.

We'll talk at length about your interests and limits during our negotiations prior to play, but if you don't tell me about something you're interested in, I have no way of knowing you'd like to experience it. While I ask that our emails remain polite and G-rated, there's no need to worry about being vulgar or offensive during negotiations: in fact, it's helpful when you speak explicitly! I know it can be a bit awkward to talk about your kinks and fetishes in detail, but it's important to get past that. I recently had a client who expressed disappointment after our session because I didn't give him a golden shower. He told me he thought that interest was implied, though he made no mention of piss play on his Session Request Form and didn't bring it up during negotiations– in fact, he only mentioned an interest in bondage and foot worship! I love surprising clients with new experiences during scenes, but watersports are something many consider a hard limit: because of this, it's not an activity I'll incorporate into a session without prior discussion. Had he been more explicit with his interests, he likely would have had a more fulfilling experience. I'm intuitive, yes, but I'm not a mind-reader: it's never safe to assume an interest is implied.

An hour goes by extremely quickly.

Those new to BDSM often want to book just an hour with me, and while that may seem like plenty of time to start with, it always passes quickly– too quickly, in fact, for us to have an experience that doesn't feel rushed. Keep in mind that when you book with me, you're booking a block of time rather than a block of play. Your session therefore includes any tardiness on your part, in addition to negotiations when you arrive and a few minutes for clean-up and aftercare at the end. If you're nervous about your first time, an hour likely won't even be long enough for you to fully relax! For this reason, I have a session minimum of 1.5 hours for first-timers and new clients. If you have the financial means, I highly recommend booking something even longer, like a 2 hour session. Even an extra 30 minutes can make all the difference.

It's okay to be nervous!

Plenty of people get nervous seeing a Mistress, especially if it's their first time. Don't beat yourself up about it: even experienced players get nervous sometimes despite having seen Dominatrices for years! If I know you're nervous, I'll do what I can to make you feel comfortable, though admittedly I'll tease you about it as well. Nervousness is normal, so please don't dull your nerves with drugs or alcohol prior to our time together: if you show up to my dungeon visibly intoxicated, I'll send you home without a refund for our mutual safety.


I'll go easy(ish) on you.

Do I want to push your limits? Absolutely! Do I want you to leave my dungeon legitimately traumatized and in deep need of therapy after our first session together? Absolutely not! More than anything, I want you to have a good time with me. I want you to leave my dungeon filled with the same love for kink and BDSM that I have. I'll check in with you during the scene every now and then to make sure you're doing okay: if you're in bondage with your arms above your head, for example, I'll ask you after awhile how your arms are feeling, if they need to be repositioned, etc. Similarly, not everyone is a heavy masochist, so if we engage in anything painful we'll use a simple, numerical check-in system discussed during negotiations for monitoring your pain level. Remember, it's my goal to push you, not to break you.

I'm not a good fit for everyone.

I've been an instant favorite for many submissives, but I'm sure I've also been a big disappointment for others. Sure, maybe you like my clips and photos, but that doesn't mean you'll actually enjoy submitting to me. You may not like my play style or aesthetic as much as you thought you would, for example, or you may find you like me as a person but not as a dominant. Just because I'm a Dominatrix and you're kinky doesn't mean we're automatically a good match: it doesn't make you a bad submissive if you don't enjoy our time together! If you find yourself in this situation, I encourage you to give other Dominatrices a chance rather than giving up on kink completely. Sometimes it takes time to find the connection you're looking for, but I promise you that when you find it, it's worth it.

You might drop afterwards.

While it doesn't happen to everyone, it's not uncommon to feel a bit out of sorts a few hours after completing a session, even if you had the time of your life. In the kink community, we call this “dropping.” Dropping can essentially be described as a kink hangover and happens because the chemicals in your brain are regulating after a period of extreme physical and emotional intensity. This can happen to you no matter what side of the slash you're on: submissives experience “sub drop” while dominants experience “top drop” or “Domme drop.” Dropping looks different for everyone: when I drop, for example, it becomes much harder for me to articulate what I'm trying to say. I stammer a lot and lose track of words, and on top of that, I also experience brain fog and feel physically and emotionally drained. If you drop, you might feel tired, sad, or confused. You might feel lonely, or even ashamed of seeing a professional Dominatrix in the first place. These feelings may last for a few hours, like mine usually do, or they may last for a few days, like mine have in the past. If this happens to you, please know that this is normal and these feelings won't last forever. You're not dropping because you're a bad person, a dirty pervert, or a fucked up freak, and it doesn't mean you're not kinky or shouldn't see a Dominatrix again. Be good to yourself while you process your emotions and remember, dropping is such a common occurrence that the kink community coined a term for it.

If you're a BDSM novice, I hope this blog made you feel a bit more confident about finally exploring this side of yourself. I'm passionate about kink and BDSM, and it gives me warm, fuzzy feelings to know that someone chose me for their first kinky experience. If I've been your first, I thank you for your trust. If you'd like me to be your first... well, what are you waiting for?